BBC - Radio 2 - Russell Brand

Bye Bye

Russell Brand — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:38:36 +0000

This blog is no longer being updated. Russell Brand's radio programme is no longer on the air.

For Russell's statement about his resignation, please read this BBC News article.

Losing Change

Mr Gee — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:57:01 +0000

It's been a bit weird to watch the financial world all tumbling down. I've been obsessively checking the impressive £29.99 balance in my regular account to see if anything has changed. It has and it hasn't. Actually, that's the only way my mind can realistically relate to all the manic panic of loss adjustment. When I hear on the news that billions have "disappeared" around the world, it seems unreal but if one day my balance read £29.98, I'd be a mess.

Last show had us taking a carnal carousing aboard the cathartic express. David Baddiel was this week's visiting volunteer who soon found himself immersed within the verbal hot tub. It was good to meet Ricky from the Pride of Britain awards and I'm glad to see that he's turned his tragedy around to go on and inspire others. I guess such life-or-death stories truly put the current fiscal losses into perspective. I still worry about that missing penny though.

The Karmic Cuddle of Kindness

Is the Bank balance half-full or half empty?
Event combination unlocks the stock of Baddiel-suited gentry,
Dollars down, depressed Euros and Pounds,
And yet a comedic cornucopia can now be found,

Bill's chameleon's molested,
Madeley came corrected,
But there's Good MILF Hunting from the horn of the plenty,

Married to the game,
Intoxicated with the fame,
Even chocolate's concocted so that reindeers can be tamed,

Ricky turned the tragedy of reality to offset the insanity of vanity,
But the Blighty-pipe layer still desired a Shag-bo calamity!

UPDATE: Oct 29th.
This evening as you probably know Russell resigned from his Radio 2 show. If you've arrived at this blog wanting to comment or respond to Russell's recent show with Jonathan Ross then you can comment on the Have Your Say site on BBC News. Currently it is very busy so please bear with us. Alternatively The BBC's formal complaints site is here and there are many places to discuss this news story away from the BBC .
In the meantime we are closing comments throughout this blog.
Thanks.
Jem Stone
Communities Executive, BBC Audio and Music.

Petty Squabbles

Mr Gee — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:39:15 +0000

Day 22: still no sign of Captain Morgan. Noel stepped in to take the hot seat, while he's resting his ribs (moaning that the pain was taking all the fun out of the painkillers). But he was in fine form, still trying to set up his patented "Noel Gallagher pet-naming service" to capitalise on his unique "gift" for naming animals. To test his prowess, I once showed him a picture of a ladybird which he duly christened "Spot" and another of a wild boar who he left saddled with the name "Boss".....hmmm.

Still Noel seemed happy enough with his requested rider of soft porn and pot noodle (ahhh... every man's basic needs satisfied). Russell's basic needs have always seemed to be a bit more far reaching: resolving the revolution, reconnecting to a higher form of reasoning and retaking his A-levels in a bubbling hot-tub. It would be interesting to see them both in a sitcom though, especially any episode where Noel tries to rename Morrisey!

Excuse the Jacuzzi

Every path that claims to be eternal is in reality a circle,
To the distressed damsels across the land,
A little hot-tub won't hurt you,

Check the X-files of naming pet crimes,
The truth is out there, so expect lies,
If we reject styles based on sex and crimes,
We'd have less razzle and more noodle to infect minds,

Farms of fussed pots,
Sarah and Katie's love lost,
Amidst the chapsticks and cracked ribs,
For every slapstick, there awaits a cross,

Beyond the collapsing dollars and pounds,
The back of the cab's still gaining ground,
But where there's a will, there's a wheel,
and sometimes a goose or penguin to be found!

A bi-partisan bicker

Mr Gee — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 09:40:16 +0000

It appears that in the aftermath of the VMA fallout there seemed to be several heavy subjects weighing on Russell's mind. Was it the M.I.A. status of fellow co-conspirator Matt Morgan? Was it the injuries sustained by ground soldier Noel in the line of fire? Or was it the inspired hope and dream that some day we'll all rise above our respective differences and unite as one people, one aim, one destiny. All to the sound of "Chugga Chugga?"

Good to see Simon Amstell again, he's a blast from the past from the old days of Russell's "small weird gigs" which would normally end in utter mayhem (not much has changed there I guess!). This time the "gig" took us through a discussion on prejudice, freedom of speech and the twin peaked occupants of a wonderbra (not much has changed there either). It also gave Dita Von Tease a chance to experience the Brand banter in full flow and interestingly enough, she didn't really seem to mind all the Buzzcocks!

Freedom on a Half-Shell

Freedom of speech decrees all one and each,
Shouldn't wish for permission to be given to reach,
If it's forgiveness you seek,
Or a collision to reap,
Then test the waters, test the lands, test the valleys and peaks,

To reclusively speak on the revolution elite,
Pop the bubble, free the grasshoppers,
Break the wind that's released,
The Waterman believes for "Chugga Chugga" to peak,
That's what virgins on the conspicuous conditionally seek,

Different techniques compete for bisexual critique,
Let's add race to this "Jolly Box" and a Grange Hill plot is complete,
From Dita Von Tease to Simon Amstell, Russell's teeth chatter to greet them,
I guess such a release of speech exposes the true cleavage of freedom!

"West End Gee"- R.I.P.

Mr Gee — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 12:30:45 +0000

After over 190 shows of bright lights, live mics and fighting daily stage fright, "West End Gee" has finally left the building. Yes, "Into the Hoods" has been the first Hip Hop production to ever reach the West End and broke the record for being the longest running Dance show there (previously held by Swan Lake). It's truly been an amazing experience for me and despite Russell's tireless fishing for any sordid gossip, the bait was never taken (smile).

It was a bit of a strange show with both Alex James's and Noel Gallagher's phones being on the blink. I guess that the old Blur vs Oasis rivalry even extends into the realm of mobile network reception. Next week, it'll be the countdown to the Video Music Awards..... hmmmm do you think perhaps we can expect Morrisey's name to surface somewhere amongst the nominees?

The Fired House

With the final octave that rocked it,
Rings for Roses, test optics,
Faceless voices expose choices,
With God's endorsements of shocked bits,

The good Doctor's space-hopped it,
With a Lord Viking or Hobbit,
Befriending a Branson with the plan to fly cheap super-sonic,

Air bag the vomit,
Alex James "flute-winking" symphonic,
Bellowing to Cellos in devil-throes of broom handle colonic,

Adorning Laura with an award for her Fraggle Rock scoring,
Wet-tailing the genitalia until the VMAs are calling!

You Gotta Roll With It

Mr Gee — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:55:51 +0000

You know, sometimes I actually feel a litlle bit sorry for Noel Gallagher. I mean here's a guy who's penned some classic anthems in his time, toured around the world, been many places and ruffled many faces. Yet amidst all this, he still comes down on to our little show and partake in his regular chats with Russell. These, like most exchanges, generally descend into the trading of insults but it's all in the name of fun. This time however, he brought his missus Sarah to see the show in action and watch the madness unfold.

Now there's an unwritten code amongst men that when one of your friends is with his girl, you usually lighten up on the jokes (just a touch). Unfortunately, Russell decided to write this unwritten rule on the back of his black toilet paper using a black biro in the dark. Hence the Noel-baiting banter flew as thick and as fast as ever... ah yeah... business as usual.

Happy Birthday and thanks to Gareth for maintaining the rhyme with a "g".

The Colour of Money

Starting instead with a signal that's red,
Changing from amber to green,
Let's examine the scene:

The T-shirt is free,
The dishwasher's salty,
Taking a "slash" in the back,
Wandering what a Top Hat will reveal,

The Horne has lost all his zeal,
Drawing upon a currency,
That fuels the fire of desire for Noel's bookclub appeal,

This Kalidescope sees Sarah bringing toilet-Elvis back from the dead,
As he changes from red to amber to green,
Green to amber to red.

The Battle of the R2 Lagoon

Mr Gee — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 09:56:11 +0000

Deep within a secluded lagoon of pre-recorded time, there awaited an intrepid vessel preparing to be launched into the continuum. 1st mate Matt had diligently applied his "mane and tail" shampoo and was ever ready for any foreseeable event. Captain Brand had meanwhile opted for the full body defence option to protect him on this mission. He sported the much coveted "Boyce Behaviour Armour" (circa 1984), which was considered to be most formidable.

The ship set sail through the magical "Rainbow of Georges" (where the legendary Boris Dancers dwell) and made its way up the "Westwood River". But before it could reach "Hatton island" a mighty crash occurred and a huge fog descended. Amidst the mahyem could be heard the oh-so-familiar cackle of the pirate Captain Ross and his first mate Pudsey (boooooo). "Where's Bwand?" he shouted.

A gruelling battle ensued as the mighty titans clashed. There were black toilet rolls and Ferrari keys flying all over the shop. Pudsey was the victim of an extreme cuddle and left weeping in the corner (to be later consoled by Matt) and the poet Gee was thrown overboard to drown in an unforgiving sea of metaphors and similies.

Finally, the mist cleared and all that was left was a solitary Rainbow George who prayed for all our souls. Amen.

This week: I celebrated my birthday by going to see my favourite MC Ice Cube do his first UK show in a decade..... Awesome!

The Grand Pianist

Like the echoes of a piano's final notes of symphony,
Attracting those who're in the throes of a black bog roll epiphany,

So cry Matt a river,
He'll get aroused just like Trigger,
Will Sweep awake from his sleep,
When a Rainbow George speech is delivered,

Our Souls face an alien attack,
Tinkling the ivories with Boyce,
As Ross sees sharp to be flat,
And love is in the air as Westwood reacts,

If a kiss is just a kiss,
Just ask Ricky and Frank!

Nice to be nice... if anything

Mr Gee — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:36:20 +0000

Captain's log: star date 2008.

It's been another traumatic day for the good citizens of Brand Enterprises as we are all adjusting to this newly imposed regime of niceness. Since his return, Russell has been extraordinarily nice to each and every member of the crew. No tantrums, no bickering, no sackings, no screaming.

There's been some gruelling team-building exercises: line dancing, mandatory smiling and heel clicking seminars have been provided for and now we all have to sing Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" at the end of each day.

Jokes aside, it was good to celebrate Babs's (Russell's mum) birthday, see Noel showing love to Jay-Z and have Miss Sierra Leone come in to raise awareness for the Great Ormond St Hospital charity.

Anyway I must dash. I've got a "tree hugging" tutorial to attend to!

Shining Bright

As light prevails amongst the shadows,

Shadows will still evade the light,

Sound is crafted through the silence,

Forming laughs for your delights,

Morgan's son,

Purple pill popping until the morning comes,

A finger of "fun" is just enough,

Until the Team-building drawings done,

Exploring plums,

Noel and Lionel are cavorting chums,

Remembering Henry as "The Fonz"

With his flaunted thumbs,

A tale of two Stephens,

One acting, one seeking,

The roots of the truth behind actual events of freedom,

Still dreaming,

Mamusu gives us something to believe in,

So let me just say "Happy Birthday" to Babs,

To see her lil' face beaming!

Video thrilled the radio star

Mr Gee — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 09:31:19 +0000

It all seemed a bit crowded in the studio on Saturday. Russell was back on these shores and has apparently picked up a 24hr camera crew to follow his every move. By the time that I had arrived at the radio studio, it seemed as if I'd walked onto a film set.

There were people scurrying around positioning cameras, running cables and looking for extra plug sockets. Nik (the manager) was pacing up and down texting frantically on his phone, meanwhile Russell was trying to adjust the available lighting so that it was all pointing towards him.

Everyone was moving around so quickly, I felt like I was stuck in slow motion mode and couldn't fast-forward to catch up. Finally Matt meandered, looked at all of the ensuing chaos and just rolled his eyes. Directions were being shouted, fluffers were on standby... and (for me, at least) the age of the viddycast began.

Sing-a-song of ninepence

Lost in the mist,

Following the gist,

Back in the UK to hear the wails of a liquorice stick,

An extra-terrestrial,

Has James Cordon headlining this festival,

As Matt Berry tingles our jingles, like a Judge-box receptacle,

Directions to Noel, humbugs remain unswallowed,

Cecil B. de Brand presents: "Lawnmower Boy... The Star of Tomorrow!"

New paths are followed, so we'll be soul digging heartily,

Quoted with sorrow and journalistically shafted by sharpie!

A Green eye for Xena

Mr Gee — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:17:21 +0000

Ok, I'm now officially jealous! For the past couple of months I've been listening to the "dynamic duo" (or in most cases, the "manic Uno") recount Hollywood tales of Limos, Demos and legs akimbo. I was cool with it, kept my poetical resolve and carried on with my own little life of launderettes, tube upsets and today's forecast? "windy and wet ".

Yet when I came in to listen to the pre-recorded show and heard that Lucy Lawless (aka Xena: Warrior Princess) was in the studio brandishing her lyrical sword, I must confess that I was envious. Of course I was imagining her wearing the full warrior regalia, arriving on horseback with Gabrielle to do the show. Actually, maybe it's a good thing that I wasn't there as my melon would've been well and truly twisted.

A Post-Pre-Recorded Echo

Past the remnants of very large stars,
Is a horizon of events viewed from near and afar,
Time's distorted, a pre-recorded echo's exported,
A pair of pips exchange quips over fridge etiquette aborted,

Of course Paul McKenna loves the "Crazy Monkey" tender,
Orang-utan mammaries expanded, melon's twisted forever,
Fleeing from bumble-bees, apologies to donkeys,
There's pizza to put yobs to sleep,
Unless mamma Lawless speaks erotically,

Oddly, Lucy's in the mine with miners,
Monk rats and cats provide the track to field to China,
Meanwhile, I'm arriving to find those in different time zones,
Gloriously marching through Hollywood and exposing my prose

Wehsten-ghi

Mr Gee — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 12:33:48 +0000

Thanks to you, the wonderful jingle-jangling R2 listeners, I now have "west end gee" buzzing around inside my head, like a small mosquito who feels obliged to attack both your ear-lobes at 4am in the morning. Hats off to its creators though, for it is addictive and I do smile the compelling delivery of the lead vocalist.

This show was the "Noel Gallagher Special" where we attempted to warm the cockles of our favourite Mancunian Candidate. We also had GMTV's Lorraine Kelly resisting Russell's charms and egg-consuming Matt resisting Russell's tantrums. I particularly liked Will Self's unique take on life, LA and his exclusive writing tips. He does make you want to put pen to paper and just pour all your thoughts out onto the page.... let's see...what am I thinking about?... "west end gee"...*sigh*.

Talking Books, Turning Pages

The moment a new page is turned,
It's barely visible to the world,
The side of the future confronts the past,
The thin line of the present is what we earn,
The right to see, excitedly,
The makings of a tantrum, decidedly,

With bellows from flip-flops,
Stilletoes on lil' tots,
Interrupting Matt's nosh-job,
To say that we're surrounded by robots,

The moment a new page is turned,
Will Self displays a new world,
Lorraine Kelly stays firm,
With her tea shaken-not-stirred,

This show's dedicated to Noel,
Who remains firmly in control,
Cos no Soprano can dare go,
Where his thumbs now roam!

Come along now R2

Mr Gee — Fri, 23 May 2008 10:22:18 +0000

For those of us of a certain ilk, "Star Wars" will always be the definitive science fiction film series. Phrases like "Use the Force", "the Jedi Mind trick" and "Mind that Ewok", have become a part of our everyday consciousness. I remember way back in school, a friend of mine actually believed that the Force would really help him pass his physics test (despite doing no revision). So the very fact that we had Anthony Daniels who played C-3PO lined up to be a guest, was indeed an event.

I don't think that anybody was quite ready for the verbalised light-saber battle that took place. After all, this is a robot who has faced Darth Vader, The Emperor and Jabba the Hut. So the prospect of dealing with Russell Brandroid: SONY Gold Radio Award winner and diabled toilet misuser, was not really going to short too many of C-3PO fuses. I guess that the Force is still with him...

This Saturday we've been usurped by the evil empire of the Eurovision Song Contest. But don't worry, the Jedis will soon return....

The Science behind the Madness

Should our chromosomes atone,
For where the revolution roams?
A quick-fix of the double helix,
Now sharing "tiddle tips" with C-3PO.

Laws of motion dictate,
The energy required to change steady states,
I'm sure that Russell's remedies will eventually,
Bring a smile to Lemmy's face,

How can we compound our differing elements of exhibition?
If "H" double-dates with "O"
Water flows a new reign of Radio hedonism,

So let the Bronze, Silver and Gold all be invited down the wrong road,
Following ALL the foxholes to the homes of the Brandroid, Matt and Noel.

And the winner is...

Mr Gee — Wed, 14 May 2008 11:32:24 +0000

I'm typing this in the afterglow of the SONY Radio awards ceremony last night, I still can't believe that we won! It was a mad rush of events for me that day; one minute I was doing my little thing in the West End complete with my hooded top, the next minute I'm in a cab rushing at breakneck speed to a swanky Park Lane hotel. Inside was plush, there were loads of celebs there and everybody was dressed to the nines all awaiting the announcement of the results.

Quite a few people seemed to already know me and everyone was asking that if we won, would I be doing a poem? As the night went on, it was getting more tense. I looked around at this glitzy gathering and glamorous occasion to pen together a few words of inspiration. I spoke with Nic the producer and we figured that he'd do all the thanks-you's while I end it with some verse. Yet in the back of my mind, I was still counting on Russell and Matt to make some last-minute blazing Wrestlemania style entrance on motobikes and save us from going up alone.

The moment came, the drama had reached it's peak as they announced:'And the winner is.....The Russell Brand Show!!'. The crowd cheered, women got excited, people's passions were ignited and then??

A skinny white guy and a bald-headed black dude in a red shirt got up on stage and mumbled some poetry in front of a heavily inebriated crowd (it was not easy).

My mind went blank, I wanted to say something significant about the Revolution, freedom of speech and the unity of man. Instead, I just looked at my image being broadcast on the big screen and said 'Wow! doesn't my head look big?!' (cringe, cringe, cringe!).

Russell & Matt congratulations, you guys are geniuses but next time........BE THERE!!!

A Recognition of Transmission

Cast your eyes and look beyond the prizes,
Beyond the accolades,
Beyond the acclaim,

Beyond the other nominees,
Staring solemnly,
And wishing longingly for the stage,

Realise that time is merely borrowed,
As yesterday's tomorrows formed today,

And recognise us as a group of guys who pursued and followed,
That oh-so foolish sorrow...
A dream to entertain.

The Temptation of Attempts

Mr Gee — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:24:02 +0000

There's nothing quite like a sunny Bank Holiday to start off the week, that extra day off just makes everything a little more bearable. Of course most of us don't really get to do anything special, we just attempt stuff. Attempts at DIY, attempts to go to the gym (in a last bid attempt to look good for summer), attempts to get away and not get stuck in the rush and attempts to make it back in time (and not get stuck in the rush!).

Finally Matt has completed his attempt to make his way to L.A. the city of angels, leaving me alone as the last man standing.....in the city of Boris. It sounds like the guys are all having fun though: Capoeira, bread curry and goat costumes. Hmmm I wonder, when Cilla Black responded to Russell & Matt's attempts at temptation, did she really know what she was letting herself in for? Saying that, she'd probably put both their asses to sleep and shout out "suprise suprise!".

The Busman's Holiday

Searching for grails to set sail,
Electing new trails for campaigns,
Matt's in L.A. phone mislaid,
With curried-bread stains to explain,

Mayor's replaced,
Baby requests to lactate,
Ballot boxes kicked without socks quick,
A plimsol without insoles or Nick Stoller's prosthetic ass pics,

Strike a pose... with P.E. in brogues,
The posterior was awoken then man-goat fell and broke it,
It seems only Cilla could cope with the duo's Capoeira lunges,
Reinventing entertainment with the squeezing of sponges!

The Back of the Bus

Mr Gee — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:46:10 +0000

It's a bit weird to go around town and see your friend's face glaring at you from the side of every other double decker red bus (other colours are available). It's almost as if you're every move is being watched and scrutinised by their presence. Sometimes I might be nibbling on a nice piece of cake in the corner and then I look out the window and see the huge eyes of Russell on a bus poster just passing by and peering through, "Gee... isn't that enough cake?...and it certainly isn't wheat free!"

So it was quite funny to see Mr R.E. Brand "live" in the studio for the radio show as opposed to the 2D image on a "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" billboard. Nothing much has changed with him though. Over the last few days, he got "dipped" (deported) from the US and was accused of packing a "6 times an hour" sex-bomb. He also tried to chat up a female P.C. mounted on a horse who was evidently even more excited by the prospect than his rider. He must've recognised Russell from all those bus posters!

Animal Magnetism

The ever-changing nature of reality,
Is one that presents an invitation to life's fantasy,
A custom-built calamity,
6 times an hour of depravity,

Flying high provides the challenge see,
To maintain a sense of gravity,
"Little Aliens" explaining all the hamster friction-burns of criminality,

The Branded fires of informality,
Aided by Noel and Matt's wombat insanity,
McKenzie incurred a frenzy under the lens of Underground drivers' faculties,

In totality,
It's been a welcome break from life's normality,
We've been horse-powered for two hours,
With only a few trips to the lavatory!