"No, No, Mommy," he said.

I then reply back, "Please come inside the house now!"

"No!"

The debate goes on and on until he cries because he could not get what he wanted. I get upset when he talks back to me, but realize I did the same with my parents. How can I communicate with him and teach him right and wrong? Being a working mother is not easy. At the end of the day, I just want to lay down and sleep but I have to force myself to play and read books with him. When I have my child, I realize how difficult it was for my parents bring me up to the world and help me to achieve what I have right now. Although get upset with him, I am happy to be a mother. The house without him is not colorful. When I speak, Joshua always mimics me. It is amazing to watch this child grow up. It is hard to believe how fast he has grown up.

Last week, I talked about relationships between couples in rural Cambodians, they rarely express love or speak romantic words with each other. Well, unfortunately, this is also the same case with children. My parents rarely expressed their love to me. Their generation held the belief that if children knew how much their parents loved them, this was like spoiling them or letting them do whatever they wanted to do. In fact, as my generation now knows, this is not true. I love to have feeling that my parents love and appreciate what I have done and be with me all the time. I want to feel warm and know how much my parents love me, but they rarely showed this expression.

When my parents' generation raised, educated and brought up children, it was very different from what is done right now. When they disciplined children, they simply shouted and hit them, but didn't tell them what they did was wrong. They just used power over children and considered them as their property. Children were considered like a piece of white cloth, they learned from the parents and family. This is not just in Cambodia, but in through out Asia and other developing countries. However, this mindset is being eradicated in my generation. The majority of my generation, especially amongst educated people, don't believe that physical discipline or not expressing love is the best way to educate and bring up children.

Through my personal and professional experiences working with children, I know how much children need from their parents, not just financial support, but mental support as well. It is very important to bond the relationship between parents and children. Good communication between parents and children helps them to grow throughout the years to come. Children need to be taken good care of in the home in order to be a good citizen. I hold a strong belief that a good verbal and nonverbal communication is critical step to bond relationships with children in the years coming, especial when they become teenagers.

Because of this belief, I always say, "I love you sweetie," and "you did a good job." I show him how much I appreciate what he has done. Not only verbally, but also with non-verbal communication - lots of hugs and kisses. These words are magic words that make my son respond positive and more active with me and my husband. So the communication is a vital step in any relationship. What do you think? What is your belief to raise, bring up and educate children?

That all for now.. Talk more next week.

Yes, I agree with Mairi that nonverbal communication is critically important for couples. The expression of feelings and emotions to your beloved one is a key element of a healthy relationship. There are many ways that feelings are expressed based on the culture of each country. In Cambodia, couples rarely express affection to each other through hugs or kisses and say romantic words to each other, especially in public. They just talk about general issues but never talk about feelings with each other or give each other a special gift on a special occasion like their wedding anniversary.

It was interesting to hear the points of view on the key desires in the relationships between the husbands and wives. Key desires from the husband groups included understanding husband's feelings, speaking nice words and right time and location and being overly confrontational or critical. Some men said that the nature of women spoke too much. They felt that their wives should wait until their husbands wake up to talk about their behavior instead of confronting them late at night or just after they had visiting their friends and had been drinking. The wives group on the other hand also wanted their husbands to speak more nicely to them. They thought their husbands should earn more money to support family expenses, help out more with the household chores and tell them when they go out because they are afraid of their security. However, the common needs for both groups were: politeness and helpfulness with domestic chores. Husbands and wives rarely speak to each other or used affectionate terms. For example, one participant said, "If I call my wife "bong sam lak" (dear), my neighbors will laugh at me". Also a recreation was not even a consideration.

To help these couples and their communication, I conducted sessions where the husbands and wives were separated to generate their thoughts and ideas without worrying about what their partner would say. They were then brought together and expressed these ideas with the group. Obviously, some issues were far too personal for them to talk about in public, but other points, like mentioned above could be talked about and the whole group thought about solutions to overcome these issues. The main point was that everyone learned they weren't alone with their problems and that good communication was the pillar to problem solving within their marriages; something so simple yet so difficult for these people.

This training session I did was developed for husbands and wives in rural Cambodia, but what about people in the city? What about the relationships with children? How is their communication affected by culture, by society, by media? The difference between the rich and poor in Cambodia is so unbelievable, but are our problems in relationships so different? What about the situation where two people get married from different cultures? Cambodia is a traditional culture, but we are now increasingly exposed to the rest of the world through television and the internet. How is all of this affecting Cambodian people, their relationships and their communication?

That all for now; more to come next week...

Sophea

Let me talk about Communication in Cambodian families between husbands and wives. I am curious about the Communication between husbands and wives. How is the communication important for the couple life? The communication in Cambodian couples is weak. Through my personal and professional experiences, I have noticed that most Cambodian couples are reluctant to openly express their needs to each other. Because they are so busy earning money to support their families, most of the topics they discuss are about finance or business. Conversation between husbands and wives is a critical necessity needed to improve the couple's relationship; husbands and wives need to communicate their needs in order to resolve such conflict within a household setting, yet this is not widely practiced within Cambodian culture. We can open the discussion on the communication. How is important for the family relationship even for the every day life. It is an interested topic that wants to explore and share to my community.

I am finishing the first blog being throwing the question what do you think about the communication between husbands and wives? Do you think that communication is so important in the relationship? How do you do to improve it? How do we help the couple to improve their communication? I hope all of you enjoy my next posting. Thanks a lot for your time reading my first entry.